Goal.com player ratings are usually so contemptible that it becomes the only reason to even read them, to bask in the sanctimonious afterglow of an aura that such contemptibility emanates. The degree of lack of ocular and brainular cells used in these articles was revealed when I added the ratings of 3 matches each of low draws and low victories and found the exaact same sigma for all (66.5 for former, 74.5 for latter). This leads me to a startling yet not entirely alarming conclusion - these articles are computer generated and completely untouched by human hand. Startling because of Matrix, AI, yadayadayada, but not entirely alarming because they are cleaarly not bright enough to enslave us and take over the galaxy (although there is a school of thought that claims though AI could not process things beyond the purview of our creation i.e be smarter than us, they could enslave us by being just as dumb but sincerely and consistently...so you'll see Goal.com's human articles striving to be just as consistent in dumbness).
So here are the human-initiated player ratings of the oh-so-awesome Val-Bar match. Special mention for the sportsmanship in the match, it was such a fast-paced aggressively contested game w.r.t possession that there were so many extended legs and late challenges and follow-throughs, without a single reaction by either team. Apart from Cesc crying about Rami's innocuous follow-through and Cesc/Messi each appealing for penalties on 2 different occasions (both challenges by who else but Unmagnificent Miguel), every single player young old, brave yellow, strong weak, just got up and continued playing without so much as a grimace. Incredibly rare to have witnessed in Liga, and testament to the professionalism of these players IF there is clear lack of malice or directed purpose in toughness of play - Madrid and EPL please note...
So here are the human-initiated player ratings of the oh-so-awesome Val-Bar match. Special mention for the sportsmanship in the match, it was such a fast-paced aggressively contested game w.r.t possession that there were so many extended legs and late challenges and follow-throughs, without a single reaction by either team. Apart from Cesc crying about Rami's innocuous follow-through and Cesc/Messi each appealing for penalties on 2 different occasions (both challenges by who else but Unmagnificent Miguel), every single player young old, brave yellow, strong weak, just got up and continued playing without so much as a grimace. Incredibly rare to have witnessed in Liga, and testament to the professionalism of these players IF there is clear lack of malice or directed purpose in toughness of play - Madrid and EPL please note...
| Player | Goal.Com Rating | Literate Rating | Expert Comments |
| Guaita | 6.5 | 5 | Great saves on Messi, Villa 1 on 1 but....Pedro at near post, and too slow to come out w/ Cesc who has now scored the SAAAMEE GOAL IN LAST 4 GAMES!!!! WATCH THE TAPES GUAITA! |
| Rami | 7 | 8 | Brilliant! Had to continually cover for Miguel who was always out of position. Prevented a sure Messi 1 on 1 goal |
| Ruiz | 6.5 | 7.5 | Not as comfortable in possession as his partner, but the left /central part of Valencia was completely shut down to Barca |
| Miguel | 6 | ZERO DUCK | What..an..asshole! Every single attack, including both goals came from through balls behind him. Made Pedro look brilliant |
| Alba | 6.5 | 7.5 | Ingenious left flank fluidity with Mathieu, more impressed with their rampant tactical switching-over than any individual play |
| Mathieu | 8 | 6.5 | Lets not get carried away with just the assists....Made to look much better by Alba's dynamism, excellent pressing though. |
| Banega | 7.5 | 9.5 | I'll say it again with no fear of ridicule, hands down the best Midfielder in football today. Disgraceful that he is still passed over for Argentina's MF with geriatrics like Veron, Lucho getting the nod - Lucho used to be one of my favs, but reallly sucks now!! |
| Albelda | 7 | 8.5 | Has been reborn after a useless end to last season. Totally pwned Cesc, and even Messi. Top anticipation to intercept through-balls |
| Canales | 6.5 | 7 | After a less than impressive 2 debuts partnering Albelda, pushing him into the hole was wondrous yesterday! I'm now convinced! |
| Pablo | 7 | 7.5 | Extremely hard working evening, along with Canales gave Barca a taste of their own medicine with their pressing very high up |
| Soldado | 6 | 5 | It isn't that he missed a goal gaping wider than Holocaust victims, I'm not shallow..It's just that he's a forward....Not involved at all |
| Costa | 6 | 7.5 | Totally wasted if used purely as an Albelda, he is great on the ball but 2nd Half was hardly about keeping the ball..Still good |
| Jonas | 5.5 | 5.5 | I take back what I said last time, his through ball to Soldado against Racing isn't enough to like him any more... |
| Piatti | 5.5 | 7.5 | I love this guy! He even looks like Messi!! Drew a foul EVERY time he was on the ball - Our new Vicente!!! Needs to start.. |
| Valdes | 6 | 6 | Wyell...he IS the surest keeper when it comes to catching shots and not beating them away, but didn't have much to do |
| Abidal | 6 | 5 | Sucks at Left back. Needs to play Central... Not Left back...and definitely not Left Wing!! Pablo skinned him too many times. Not entirely sure why Pep persists at RB |
| Masch | 7 | 5.5 | Huh? 7 because he hit the post... Overrun and positionally dreadful! Can't possibly deal with pacy 1 touch passing of Che |
| Puyol | 4.5 | 7 | Another blindness! I usually think Puyol is slow and too old-school, but he was solid and alone in his confidence at defence |
| Alves | 4.5 | 6 | Unfair to blame him for the system's failings.. But too many short passes were intercepted, although credit for that goes to Valencia |
| Xavi | 6 | 9 | Banega showed 10 times more skill, but Xavi gets a 9 since he was the only barca player who passed flawlessly under pressure |
| Keita | 6 | 5 | I thought on the evidence of the Villarreal game, 3-4-3 might suit Keita... Turns out only a body bag would suit him better... |
| Busquets | 5.5 | 5.5 | Haha yea he was pretty bad. But Pep is solely to blame, this guy is majestic as defensive MF why keep shuffling him! |
| Cesc | 7 | 4 | There are vendettas, and there are vendettas..and then there are jackasses who thoroughly deserve them...0% Barca DNA - Scores from the very failing of being positionally clueless that ruins the team through the game.. Couldn't control passes and really helped Che regain possession rapidly. As a MF he doesn't make himself available for passes from a team mate - POOR off the ball |
| Pedro | 6.5 | 6.5 | Technically deserves a higher rating, but that's only because zero duck Miguel made it possible...Was released many times in 1st 45 |
| Messi | 7.5 | 6.5 | Oozed obvious class on the ball, but gave away too many passes.. But the 2 out of 50 passes that weren't intercepted made 2 goals |
| Adriano | 5.5 | 5.5 | Leftback to Right Forward... Like duh, complete sequitor. Next game he might set up Valdes and Pinto for a virtuoso goal |
| Villa | 5.5 | 5 | One of my favorite players, Valencia's fav son..didn’t start...then came on and gave the ball away, before missing a 1 on 1 with keeper...sigh |
| Thiago | 5.5 | 7 | Iniesta Beta (not hindi-beta, software Beta...although he WAS born around the time...ok no) needs to replace Cesc NOW!!! |
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