Monday, November 21, 2011

Goal Mall S01E01


Prescript : This isn't really a series, I just wanted to be the first one to parody our sudden overuse of the SxEx format before someone else does (thus also giving me full reign to overuse and abuse its usage on pretext of said parody...)

Liga Desk returns... back from holiday and back on the job...lessness... good to see the prolific blog output churned out in the meantime...the kind of productivity that makes Enid Blyton look like Harper Lee (the kind of analogy that makes me look like I'm literate...unless of course it actually turns out Harper wrote more than just Mockingbird....). No this isn't because that Goal Maal article didn't include a Valencia goal that featured a blinding pass by our currently Fourth choice Central Midfielder.. a selection that is going to show eventually, despite another dominant (yet unsuccessful) performance against horribly defensive Madrid who at one point played with 4 defensive anchors across midfield to stem rampant Valencia possession play... neither is it because I think Bollywood puns are a slippery slope to intellectual decay, which I don't...unless you replace slippery slope with vertical water slide of death. But more because I'm sitting with an awesome Grand Snacks Adrisham which I can't eat since then I won't have it any more..... I've considered extremely high pixel photos, organic cloning, and regurgitation, ultimately dismissing them as stupid ideas (or as Villas-Boas might say... good ideas but "stupid approach to ideas").

The story is quite amusing, but the only "stupid approach to opinions" I can see is Boas' approach to giving a bucktoothed f*** about Neville's opinions of all people! Retired footballers come in 3 sizes...the good ones can join academies and coaching, the bad ones write autobiographies, and the ugly ones become pundits. They should really have an annual Mister-Pundit ugliness contest so I can finally rest with the resolved suspense of whether Neville's patent grotesqueness beats John Burridge's up and coming "I'm trying to excrete a porcupine" expression. Although it is unfair to pick on the ugly ones for becoming pundits more than the bad ones who write books, just because the former are more exposed, I find it more unfair that these morons are picked on only when they deride somebody and not when they spend hours spewing more bullshit than 10 generations of IIMA GDs (except the one I was in of course...). Neville sits on air and says stuff like "He scored, since he was in the right place at the right time" (as opposed to all the other inferior strikers who sat sipping Latte at the Eiffel tower but extended a humongous elastic foot to tap in at Wembley) but instead gets criticized for calling Luiz a child. I'd be a lot more inclined to support coaches' rants if they said in the press conference "Why does that ugly twat get paid so much to say teams need to score more than they concede if they want to win...even the 6 month old brother of the 12 year old controlling David Luiz knows that".

That being said, its even scarier that assholes like Ibra can take a word processor and infiltrate the world of literature (like this blog..). Beckham is up for retirement, and being neither good nor ugly, I cringe at the prospekt of he releecing a ottobiografi.... especially since I can't see an editor allowing an entire chapter to be "all the cows in the meadow go moo....all the cows in the meadow go moo...", which would be hugely more thought provoking than anything he would mutilate the English language with. How incredible it would be to go to "Beckham's Autobiography book reading" and watch the audience instead prompt for Beckham as he struggles to get past any word with more than 2 syllables. Assuming of course that a section of society that actually attends a "book reading" rather than just reading the friggin book is literate enough in the first place to prompt him, I keep waiting for the news story that says the author berated his audience for coming to a book reading and then told them the ending to teach them a lesson. How's that for the "Author's insights" - the butler did it now f*** off you jobless hobos.

But Adrisham beckons...and we all know Adrisham na milegi dubara....

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