On the apt occasion of the blog's comeback after new year debauchery break, comes the initial fending off of pre-post comment barrages like "how th f*** have you even watched that movie... and well enough to reference..." with a) what an awesomely idiotic movie!! and b) How philosophically portentous especially of Stallone still coming out of retirement every year even in 2032 to make "Rocky part 695, Balboa vs Cyborg". On the topic of which, why couldn't they have made "Real Steel" atleast mildly tolerably by removing that repugnant kid and replacing it with Stallone battling 1000 tonnes of metal cybernetics using HEAARTTTTT!!!!
Small diversion notwithstanding, Scholes and Henry return to the two most despicable teams in the footballing world. Arsenal fans came away from last night's Leeds match thinking "what an incredibly Henryic goal to signal his return", I came away (from the 1:45 min highlight video on youtube, which was still 1:44 min too much exposure to EPL for me, severe anti toxin purge on the cards this afternoon) thinking, what a f****d up first touch that was??? Is it just my over critical EPL hating ass, or would any EPL defender with self-esteem have pounced on that terrible first touch like it was Wayne Bridge's girlfriend??? Maybe he did it so fast it looked slow to the naked eye (figure it out..... and then tell me, coz I haven't yet....) but the only unbelievable thing about the run, the offside trap, the first touch, and the shot was how the defence seemed stuck in cryogenic suspension waiting for Stallone to come out of retirement again... But if they're happy, I'm happy I guess - one less excuse for them after they lose horribly.
I'm still waiting for the news story about Pires, Ljungberg, and Vieira all returning too. One big saggy scrotum convention. It's no big newsflash that Arsenal fans "live in the past"....they're Arsenal "fans" because they still live in the past, what self respecting present-liver would support these morons!!! (lets leave out the bitter backlash on Valencia's last Liga back in 2004 shall we... they still play orgasmically enough to fan-ise) But these twin comebacks hopefully hint at a few more, especially these 5 Top Comebacks I'd Like to See
5. Roy Makaay to Deportivo - How depressing to be someone like Riki... 1 goal every 10 games or so, playing in the second division with no future.... (I'm leaving out the part about me working 9-5 while he's probably sleeping with 4 supermodels right now...) It's nice to see Deportivo storming their way back to Liga, currently 3rd in Segunda just 2 points off Valladolid. Less nice to see Valeron fade away into oblivion, and jobless retired Makaay sitting in Holland riding a bicycle and smoking up (unless that's not what all dutch people do....)
4. Zidane to France Euro '12 - Not often we get to see a brilliant player just....leave.... no faltering 2-3 seasons overstaying his welcome, no 4-5 seasons in US and the Middle East... just...gone.... leaving France with....who...Abou Diaby and Yann M'Vila??? Nothing delights me more than the prospect of watching France get carved up this year like a rotten orange (or rotten bleu) with Ribery and Malouda sitting on the wings playing rock paper scissors. Except maybe the prospect of Zidane back and assaulting someone else with his egg head!
3. Riquelme to Villarreal - Would have been just as nice to see Riquelme back in Argentina, but they have Banega sitting pretty (by "sitting pretty" I mean still trying desperately to dethrone Veron, who is no.1 on the top 100 "Go the f*** away"s I want to see in world football) and might not need him as much as sad Villarreal. EIGHTEENTH F*****G PLACE!! Geeeez!!! I thought that painful opening game against Barca was just a one-off.... Poor Borja Valero's been waging a lone battle in MF while Cani and Rossi just amble around completely disconnected from play. This would be my top desired comeback if it wasn't for a) Selfish interests and b) Pure sadism
2. David Villa to Valencia - Enter Selfish Interest. OK so he isn't retired nor is he in the wild, but just as well for the respect he's been shown this season at Barca. On particularly troubled nights, I soothe myself to sleep with the image of Villa in the Che shirt intercepting yet another horrrible mispass from Cesc, and then running 10 rings around him before flying through the air on a pegasus into the goal with the ball flowing out a golden urn held by a water nymph (if you missed that, he scored... and obviously the nymph didn't just disappear after the rest of this image faded). There's now talk of Forlan replacing the injured Villa, how orgasmic yet depressing a thought that is... Forlan fed by Xavi/Iniesta would reinvoke those wonderful Villarreal memories with Riquelme, but then depressing because troll Cesc would probably intercept Xavi's throughball to Forlan and then proceed to give it away. Assuming of course that Forlan even starts in Pep's Cesc-machine.
1. Beckham and Nistelrooy to ManU - Enter Pure Sadism. It's psychology 102 that people love to hate more than they love to love, my lining the toilet with ManU posters to routinely defecate on, rather than Valencia posters on my bed to routinely ...well... is testament to that (Psychology 101 is that anything you say is connected to shit and sex, so you may as well do it explicitly and save psychobabblers the effort). It's been quite alarming just how much hate has been robbed from me with Becks and Nistelrooy disappearing, and ManU filling their team with a laudably faceless personalityless bunch of nobodys. There's only so much defecation you can do on Park and Evra's faces, and any defecation on Rooney's face might make him better looking so I didn't bother. ManU fans keep ooh-ing this team being about Ferguson and how noone is bigger than the club...WELL HE'S BIGGER THAN THE CLUB YOU IDIOTS!!! Down with megalomaniac, up with respectably despicable cretins who are on the field.
Small diversion notwithstanding, Scholes and Henry return to the two most despicable teams in the footballing world. Arsenal fans came away from last night's Leeds match thinking "what an incredibly Henryic goal to signal his return", I came away (from the 1:45 min highlight video on youtube, which was still 1:44 min too much exposure to EPL for me, severe anti toxin purge on the cards this afternoon) thinking, what a f****d up first touch that was??? Is it just my over critical EPL hating ass, or would any EPL defender with self-esteem have pounced on that terrible first touch like it was Wayne Bridge's girlfriend??? Maybe he did it so fast it looked slow to the naked eye (figure it out..... and then tell me, coz I haven't yet....) but the only unbelievable thing about the run, the offside trap, the first touch, and the shot was how the defence seemed stuck in cryogenic suspension waiting for Stallone to come out of retirement again... But if they're happy, I'm happy I guess - one less excuse for them after they lose horribly.
I'm still waiting for the news story about Pires, Ljungberg, and Vieira all returning too. One big saggy scrotum convention. It's no big newsflash that Arsenal fans "live in the past"....they're Arsenal "fans" because they still live in the past, what self respecting present-liver would support these morons!!! (lets leave out the bitter backlash on Valencia's last Liga back in 2004 shall we... they still play orgasmically enough to fan-ise) But these twin comebacks hopefully hint at a few more, especially these 5 Top Comebacks I'd Like to See
5. Roy Makaay to Deportivo - How depressing to be someone like Riki... 1 goal every 10 games or so, playing in the second division with no future.... (I'm leaving out the part about me working 9-5 while he's probably sleeping with 4 supermodels right now...) It's nice to see Deportivo storming their way back to Liga, currently 3rd in Segunda just 2 points off Valladolid. Less nice to see Valeron fade away into oblivion, and jobless retired Makaay sitting in Holland riding a bicycle and smoking up (unless that's not what all dutch people do....)
4. Zidane to France Euro '12 - Not often we get to see a brilliant player just....leave.... no faltering 2-3 seasons overstaying his welcome, no 4-5 seasons in US and the Middle East... just...gone.... leaving France with....who...Abou Diaby and Yann M'Vila??? Nothing delights me more than the prospect of watching France get carved up this year like a rotten orange (or rotten bleu) with Ribery and Malouda sitting on the wings playing rock paper scissors. Except maybe the prospect of Zidane back and assaulting someone else with his egg head!
3. Riquelme to Villarreal - Would have been just as nice to see Riquelme back in Argentina, but they have Banega sitting pretty (by "sitting pretty" I mean still trying desperately to dethrone Veron, who is no.1 on the top 100 "Go the f*** away"s I want to see in world football) and might not need him as much as sad Villarreal. EIGHTEENTH F*****G PLACE!! Geeeez!!! I thought that painful opening game against Barca was just a one-off.... Poor Borja Valero's been waging a lone battle in MF while Cani and Rossi just amble around completely disconnected from play. This would be my top desired comeback if it wasn't for a) Selfish interests and b) Pure sadism
2. David Villa to Valencia - Enter Selfish Interest. OK so he isn't retired nor is he in the wild, but just as well for the respect he's been shown this season at Barca. On particularly troubled nights, I soothe myself to sleep with the image of Villa in the Che shirt intercepting yet another horrrible mispass from Cesc, and then running 10 rings around him before flying through the air on a pegasus into the goal with the ball flowing out a golden urn held by a water nymph (if you missed that, he scored... and obviously the nymph didn't just disappear after the rest of this image faded). There's now talk of Forlan replacing the injured Villa, how orgasmic yet depressing a thought that is... Forlan fed by Xavi/Iniesta would reinvoke those wonderful Villarreal memories with Riquelme, but then depressing because troll Cesc would probably intercept Xavi's throughball to Forlan and then proceed to give it away. Assuming of course that Forlan even starts in Pep's Cesc-machine.
1. Beckham and Nistelrooy to ManU - Enter Pure Sadism. It's psychology 102 that people love to hate more than they love to love, my lining the toilet with ManU posters to routinely defecate on, rather than Valencia posters on my bed to routinely ...well... is testament to that (Psychology 101 is that anything you say is connected to shit and sex, so you may as well do it explicitly and save psychobabblers the effort). It's been quite alarming just how much hate has been robbed from me with Becks and Nistelrooy disappearing, and ManU filling their team with a laudably faceless personalityless bunch of nobodys. There's only so much defecation you can do on Park and Evra's faces, and any defecation on Rooney's face might make him better looking so I didn't bother. ManU fans keep ooh-ing this team being about Ferguson and how noone is bigger than the club...WELL HE'S BIGGER THAN THE CLUB YOU IDIOTS!!! Down with megalomaniac, up with respectably despicable cretins who are on the field.
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