Saturday Stuff

Last time around I could get away with writing an entire post that had almost nothing about actual football, thanks to a preseason friendly in which there was no actual football anyway. A 1-1 draw with a team of Malaysians.. no wait Chinese All Star XI who had Jackie Chan as their striker and Confucius for refereeing meant the trippy advertisements during the half time break were the most exciting bits of the game. The 90 minutes that were meant to be watched  were as unwatchable as The Unwatchable Hour on Unwatch TV. Hosted by Unwatch Goswami.  Some argue that is the case whenever Arsenal take to the field. 

In a fitting riposte (Arsenal French Word of the Day) to those who argue in that annoying manner Arsenal dished out 90 minutes of all round exciting football that if it were made into a movie would be given a U certificate and be reviewed by critics as 'a feel good movie suitable for family viewing'. 2-1 to Arsenal. Three goals in the game. All scored by Arsenal. That is the comedy track right there.

It was to the viewers' benefit that the defence of both clubs decided to go on a little vacation right after kick off. Much of the free flowing attacking football of Arsenal was aided by the back four who just stood to one side and muttered 'scheisse'. Our newly signed Brazilian French winger Gervinho scored from his first touch. He latched onto a brilliant over the top ball from Wilshere and slid it past a hapless goalkeeper. His movement was good, his runs  cleverer and more precisely timed than the roadrunner with coyote's brain Theo Walcott. And he gives us something radically new: an ability to shoot at the goal when you have just the goalkeeper to beat. Surely a flaw that Wenger will rectify in the coming weeks on the practice ground by attaching a metal helmet that sends painful high voltage shocks to his brain whenever his 'shoot' synapses get activated. 'Must shoot'. Zaaap! 'Mustn't shoot'. Easy.

The second goal was also scored by Gervinhooooooooo. Ramsey's pass to Walcot was not perfect and was too close to the Cologne left back who instead of kicking the ball off the premises by the seat of its pants just stood by, opened the doors, ushered the ball in, took its hat and coat off and introduced it to Walcott who was standing by the doorway filing his nails. Mr. Walcott Herr.Fusball. Herr Fusball Mr.Walcott. A surprised Theo said beep beep and raced off to the backline before cutting it back to no one in particular. No wait! Here was Gervinho who had made one more quick dash to be there to meet the ball and send it packing into the goal. Gervinho 2 goals in the first half an hour of his career with Arsenal! Now now, let us not hype him. About 243 goals this season should suffice.

It was New Signings Score Day at Arsenal and our only other buy this season, 19 year old league1 rightback Carl Jenkisnon scored a peach of a goal. Only thing, it was at the wrong end. It is very tempting to break the no-youtube-links on the blog rule and post a video of the own goal for it defies description. And it is by using words clever phrases like 'defies description' that I wriggle out of trashing out words on a blog that no one reads. But, do check out the own goal! It is priceless.

All in all, it was far more exciting than the previous friendly against the chinks XI. And hopefully tomorrow's game in the Emirates Cup will even more killer. Minus the own goals. Plus the Henry. Oh, and I am going to the game. Did I mention I have a red membership?


Update P.S: If you are reading the post and are not on of the blog's authors, then take note: the above post was a review of the FC Cologne - Arsenal game.