Finally. A fate that I was trying to stave off as much as humanly possible has caught up with me. I knew this day would come, but it could have come a little later than just the 2nd weekend into corposlut life. Yes, I have become the man who updates blogs with readerships of one on weekends instead of going out and having a life - a life that society expects to be centered around sin and debauchery. The all round miserableness of the situation is compounded by the fact the person who usually does this (updating blogs with readerships of one on weekends instead of having a life) is actually having a life as I write, a life that has sin and debauchery gob smack in the centre.
Right then. Let's start off with all things Arsenal which, surprisingly, brings us to me - Arsenal's newestest red card holder! As a red card holder I can buy tickets for Arsenal games, watch Arsenal games online, see player interviews and Wenger's press conferences, get invited for official events, use the plural pronoun 'we' when referring to Arsenal and also be called upon to serve as left back when Gibbs gets crocked about two weeks into the season. Clichy was not a very dependable fullback even when playing at his best but was definitely more reliable than Kieron one-ankled Gibbs. Wenger's hints that he might not buy someone to replace Clilchy has not gone down well with the fans, especially those who have paid to become red card holding members of the club and have hence directly contributed to the transfer kitty at Wenger's disposal. Like me.
Arsenal's transfer season till now has been a microcosm of their playing season: pretty to watch, piss poor result. Names ranging from Benzema and Mata to Cahill and Samba have been linked only for us to end up buying Gervinho who checks all the boxes in Wenger's list of criteria: young, black, frenchish. And Carl Jenkinson: young, not black, English. That is the other list of criteria in case you were wondering. He uses many lists. That is about the entire list of purchases this season.
As if this level of hectic transfer activity wasn't enough there is the potential loss of Samir Nasri and Cesc Fabregas. The former had a remarkable season last year and could very well prove to be crucial to the team as a playmaker this season if he continues to be fit and in form. The latter, we are told by the thoughtful, reticent and media-shy Xavi, is suffering at Arsenal. Presumably in a Jesus kind of way. Cesc the son of god, sent to earth to suffer for the stupid sins of other players around him like Denilson and Eboue. Forgive them Cesc, for they know not what they do.
Fabregas and Nasri are two players whom we don't want to let go but they seem the most probable departures this summer. In contrast there are loads of players who, if I had my way, would be given as free along with a red card membership. Buy a red card membership, get Almunia to be your butler. He would probably keep fumbling with and dropping the dinner tray, but what the hell, he came on a free. The others in the must get rid of category don't seem to attract any bids whatsoever! Denilson, Eboue, Bendtner, Vela, Rosicky, Squillaci - these are players who have outlasted their usefulness, which was very little to begin with in some cases, and Arsenal don't seem to have found a way to cash in on them. Denilson was used as a makeweight in a transfer with Shakthar for one of their midfielders until it was found out that the makeweight was weighing on the wrong side. Shakthar were asking for more money to take Denilson off our hands.
As if this level of hectic transfer activity wasn't enough there is the potential loss of Samir Nasri and Cesc Fabregas. The former had a remarkable season last year and could very well prove to be crucial to the team as a playmaker this season if he continues to be fit and in form. The latter, we are told by the thoughtful, reticent and media-shy Xavi, is suffering at Arsenal. Presumably in a Jesus kind of way. Cesc the son of god, sent to earth to suffer for the stupid sins of other players around him like Denilson and Eboue. Forgive them Cesc, for they know not what they do.
Fabregas and Nasri are two players whom we don't want to let go but they seem the most probable departures this summer. In contrast there are loads of players who, if I had my way, would be given as free along with a red card membership. Buy a red card membership, get Almunia to be your butler. He would probably keep fumbling with and dropping the dinner tray, but what the hell, he came on a free. The others in the must get rid of category don't seem to attract any bids whatsoever! Denilson, Eboue, Bendtner, Vela, Rosicky, Squillaci - these are players who have outlasted their usefulness, which was very little to begin with in some cases, and Arsenal don't seem to have found a way to cash in on them. Denilson was used as a makeweight in a transfer with Shakthar for one of their midfielders until it was found out that the makeweight was weighing on the wrong side. Shakthar were asking for more money to take Denilson off our hands.
I also got to watch Arsenal preseason friendly against some Chinese side on Saturday exclusively on Arsenal.com, streamed high quality only for members of the club. Which I happen to be. The last time that Chinese outfit played an English club (Manu) they lost 8-2 and this embarrassing loss did not go well with the Chinese resulting in a breakdown of Anglo-Chinese diplomatic ties. It was down to Arsenal to rebuild those ties of friendship and we couldn't have done it in a chummier way. We gracefully let our opponents take the lead and dominate us for quite a while. Like the first 45 mins or so. Then equalized with a scrappy goal. When other unthoughtful teams would have gone for the kill and demolished a very inferior Chinese team, we were more than content to let things be and played at a level that made the Chinese club look like Barcelona but with slanty eyes and flat noses. All part of the plan of course. To flatter the Chinese and rebuild international ties. Cunning.
The game as such was as lifeless and boring a game that you ever saw. Nothing happened in the first half and nothing continued to happen in the second. Which kind of makes it very easy for me to review it. Nothing happened.
And I have managed to write an entire post about pretty much nothing. On a weekend. For a blog that has a readership of one. I might as well go live in Siliguri now. Cesc fucking Christ.
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