It's unfortunate Arsenal-ManU games are no longer the eagerly awaited and harshly contested games they used to be. The kind of games even EPL Haters like me would...well.. read about later on news sites (Or on full-moon nights, maybe even watched a few minutes here and there... before disgust and neck ache from following aerial madness drove us to bay the moon for a few hours). Perhaps it is testament to the perception of Arsenal as a mid-table flounderer that the Ars-ManU game has come so early in the season, perhaps there really is "ze conspirare" since no better ruffian sadist team than ManU to kick a team that's down, to flog a dead horse, to skin a deceased feline, to consume an unfertilized hen embryo...or even to beat the shit out of Arsenal (if you're not wondering what the previous actions were about instead of beating Arsenal, you should... Moms don't scare their kids with the Bogey-ManU for nothing...). Some posts back, I'd masticated on the unappetizing possibility that Arsenal were fast overtaking ManU as my most despised team. Nothing like the beginning of a fresh season to quickly regurgitate those thoughts and exorcise any memory that separates the idea of ManU from involuntary retching and spinal fluid leakage.
I used to really like Van Persie, I guess his recently acquired big mouth could be overlooked as too much time spent with Arsene and Wilshere, he and Rosicky are the only players left who play any marginally acceptable form of pretty football. I imagine he must be welcoming the departure of Cesc and Nasri, he is now the undisputed god of this club (not to mention the fact that I always maintained him, Cesc and Nasri are twins... never could tell them apart, at least now people might recognize him on the ball). So while I have the itchy feeling he might nick it in a 1-0 Arsenal win (although the itch might just be a perfunctory warning against thinking so much about EPL... soon I'll start shedding skin and hide from silver bullets), I'm putting my money on 2-0 ManU. My only prayer to god is that Walcott doesn't score...of course if prayers would work, my prayer would actually be that a meteor decimate Old Trafford, both teams, and 70,000 EPL Fans... if Meteor isn't possible, gradual Climate change and disappearing habitat would also be acceptable, if not fiercely contested).
I won't bother going any deeper into stats or strategies or anything useful, no amount of good sense in this post could possibly redeem the initial blasphemy of drawing parallels between a crummy EPL game and the greatest gothic story ever written (Poe and Barker fans can blanch all they want..). In my defence, the Van Helsing movie bastardized and blasphemed it (admittedly in a way all too entertaining to grudge...although it might be alarming I found the byuteeful accents a lot more turning on than Kate in tights...) long before I got here with this blog. I assume the Berbatov-Dracula connections have been drawn a million times before, it is way too obvious to not draw, but has the connection about Dracula arriving in England on a ship called Demeter ever been drawn before HUHH HUHHH???? Not so blasphemous now is it. In related news (verryy related, if you knew I once thought Berbatov quite definitely played Archy in Rock n Rolla), Mark Strong has gone bald!!!!
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