The Eastern Chronicles 1 : Ninja Warriors 2010-11

Ever since Eric Cantonese-a* did his dropkick (what...a Thug..from ManU???? Surely you jest...), the ancient Shaolin Order has been conferring an annual honor of Ninja Warriors on the players of the season who prove themselves worthy of true Shaolin way of life.

* by the way if there’s still some confusion, he’s the psycho who’s always talking weirdly on the ad campaign for Judo Bonito or whatever

A Ninja Warrior fights for the underdogs against a mighty enemy.

Clubs wouldn’t touch this guy with a 10-ft pole, now Tottenham is hitting other clubs with their very own 10-ft pole. Typically ugly English goal that kicked out Milan in the underdog-success story of the year. I love underdog successes (especially against A.C “Lets grow old together” Milan) but this...was...painful. EPL Catenaccio revival continues..

A Ninja Warrior fights in the shadows. A smash and grab force.

After Sneijder’s season last year, few expected Inter’s best creator to be anyone else. But after weaseling his way back into Inter in Jan ’10, Pandev’s been quite the impact sub. Direct running from his Lazio forward days (thank god Totti beat him to goal of the season in 200 ), and through-balls from his Macedonian heritage (think it over..), now he’s weaseled his way into the first 11, but true to the only other Goran I know, Pandev’s game is either first serve ace, or rally lost.

A Ninja warrior is a master of disguise, often posing as a forward when instead he is a goalkeeper

Played extremely successfully in Eredivisie for few seasons and picked up Dutch tendencies (Going all the way to Africa and screwing with the Africans in their own land...). I hear Asamoah has started calling him “Luis Boer”. Taken to EPL quite well, but so did Luis Garcia in the first 2 months, so fingers crossed (and hands behind back). But he made for my bestest World Cup ever (Spain wins, Uruguay Semis...only thing missing was Argentina somewhere in the equation), and that after I (till the semis) continually anti-campaigned his over-hyped ass and convince ignorant fools that the team was about Forlan,Perez, and Pereira.

A Ninja Master is one who knows that only by giving up being a warrior, can one be a true ninja warrior.

Ching Chong Xavi (not to be confused with Ching Chang Chevy, my prediction for ending of “Community”...unholy union of Pierce and Senor Chang...) is the most enlightened player in history, having transcended the philosophies of victory, defeat, scoring goals, or statistics. Truly deserving of the name Xavi Zenandez (not because he’s compact, 270 degree steering wheel manoeuvrability and 19.7 kmpl..yes, my first and favorite car..how did you guess...it also has awesome suspension making it real fun to bounce up and down in it...not xavi...zen...)

A Ninja warrior is one who can...well...do what this guy’s doing to poor Alonso

Readymade Chinese name needing no pun (Although I was considering “Nigel De JongJitsu”).
Readymade Explanatory Picture needing no write up....easiest segment ever...