Beep beep

Big game today. Quite like the big game last weekend. And the midweek big game before that. Arsenal's end season campaign is increasingly beginning to resemble Arsene Wenger's series of unfortunate events where they fumble and flounder and lurch and list from one disaster to another. Just when you think they have hit rockbottom they write to ACME, get a  red box marked TNT, plug some wires onto it and  blow their way through that rock shelf and continue their endless plummet to the shadowy depths of a non-CL spot in the EPL geological crest. Arsene Wenger looks like Coyote. And we have called Walcott road runner before. All of what I said works...in a way.

It is going to be humiliating, oh yes. The last time we beat them was in a meaningless Carling Cup match where Wenger surprised everyone by naming a excessively strong squad instead of his usual babies' day out policy in the Carling Cup tournament. Spurs were squarely beaten but from then on it was the cock part of London that had the better of the cannon part. Which is why I think club's crests should be sent out to duel for the clubs. Boom. One dead rooster. Actually, even then I can only see Wenger lighting the fuse behind the cannon and plugging his ears with his fingers while Walcott turns the cannon towards Wenger's face at the last moment and the whole plan blows up in Wenger's face. Quite literally.

I would probably need to wash my mouth with phenoyl after this but Spurs are indeed playing very well this season. A couple of shrewd investments to strengthen their team in areas they were lacking earlier has led to their remarkable ascent culminating in the stratospheric heady highs of third place. Scott Parker has been an excellent buy and so has been VDV. With their own version of a roadrunner but with brains (Bale, not Lennon) and that lanky, mercenary twerp Ade they have formidable attacking strength. Defence remains their chink in the armour, a chink the size of China (ha) in Ledley King but Dawson covers up for two. And Assou Ekkoto. Fack, I have always hated that lizard in human shape in the past but he his link up play with Bale and his bombing attacking runs have been so excellent this season that I have chosen to ignore his tail shedding and fly eating habits and come to like him. They have a carbon copy right back in Walker; he does exactly what the Lizard does on the left, but on the right. It's like the Spurs formation is a Rorschach diagram made by splattering ink on a paper and folding it down the middle. What do you mean you don't see a butterfly with its antenna crushed and its body grotesquely mutilated, black inky blood oozing down on its wings? No? Must be my childhood then.

Right. So what tactically astute team would I pick? The first team has been picking itself for over a long time now. At any given point of time there one only 11 un-injured players and couple of semi-broken ones sitting on the bench. Cannot see how tacticky we can get with these 11 unless we go all radical total footbally mad and take RVP and put him in goal and play Szcz up front with Wenger on the flanks and our mascot Goonersaurus in midfield. Imagine the Arsene Winger jokes. Per is injured. Ramsey is injured. Squillaci is injured. Coq is injured. Kos is injured but has a late fitness test. So, I imagine the team would shape up like this. Szcz in goal, Sagna-Djourou-Kos-Vermaelen, Arteta-Song, Ox-Rosicky-Gervinho, RVP. Couple of players were played in the reserves in the mid week and news was that Yossi starred in the game setting up three goals and scoring one himself in a 5-0 rout over Norwich reserves (who?). I would like to see Yosi given a run ahead of Rocicky who has sadly turned into the perfect sideways passer the world has ever seen. If Kos isn't fit, then it might be Djourou-Verm in the centre with Gibbs on the left. 

Spurs centrebacks are a bit fail and we would do well to keep the supply line to RVP open. Spurs will come to win and not sit back like Sunderland Bus Company so I expect it will be a open game. We need to go for the win too. Our wingers need to push higher and put pressure on their fullbacks and prevent them from attacking higher down the pitch. Our backfour need to play closer to the Song-Arteta centre crowding Modric-VDV's favourite positions. Modric loves to get into that area and deftly release one of the 34 speedsters they have in their line up and we would do good to ensure he doesn't have too much time on the ball. RVP's movement has been fantastic, so it's upto the creative department in the middle to find him, or at least occasionally think of passing the ball towards the opponent goal rather than the tunnel. I don't expect the ACN weary Gervinho to be of much use against a young but intelligent Walker, the onus will be on the Ox to come up with something special... like a hat-trick or something, I don't know.

I can see immense fail happening on the pitch (that's my reverse jinx), unless everyone for Arsenal has a perfect game. Hear that noise? That is just Ox running fastly off a ledge and stopping in mid-air to realise there is no ground beneath him....noooooooooooooo. Thud.